Long overdue...

I feel like i owe my readers a long overdue word post. Seems like back in the xanga days i actually gave posts with words, but i haven't really on here... I hope that i have something that makes you think or wonder, i feel like i have so many thought and emotions in my head right now...
For once in my life i feel like i am where i belong, even though i still have questions and doubts about things, my heart is full. I feel loved, i feel like i can give love freely and be myself, i am working one job and starting another and i feel like i am putting myself out there and doing something with my life. I dont want to be the girl who never does anything and never works a job. I work at the daycare...and just the couple of times i have been there i feel such a longing for my own family. Someday that is what i want, i love kids...and hopefully someday i can have my own & be a great mother & feel blessed with all that i have. On May 3rd i start training at Jagers in Hayti- the little grocery store. I will do a variety of things there-cashier, stocking shelves, working in the back which is making salads & sandwiches, pulling buns and the like. I'm hoping i will like it, because i can get good hours there and everything like that. This summer i'm hoping to "broaden my horizons" and put myself out there...I'm actually the type of person who generally keeps to myself if i'm not forced to put myself out there, so maybe this working business will help me with that & im looking forward to it :) and for the sake of my sanity, i need this...
Once again i am puzzling over what i should do with the rest of my life. Now i am not stressing over it too much, but i am thinking. Maybe something in childcare? The thought has crossed my mind...
In photography class interesting discussions sometime get started between us girls & they can get pretty heated. The latest is "Why would you guys want to get married and have 7+ children, and live the rest of your life caring for your kids like the rest of your church does?" You can probably imagine what goes on from there..or actually maybe you cant. Either way it sure makes me start thinking what perspective other people see when they look at us. You know if it was my choice i could move to who knows where & start totally new & do whatever i wanted. But no it is my dream to find a christian husband and have children & be a mom... i am NOT forced to do this and if i wanted i could do anything in the world. and no i dont want to get married right out of high school, i'd love to move away and be a nanny or something. Maybe thats what God has planned & maybe not either way. In spite of what people think, and in spite of the fact that we are taught to get married & bear children..its because its what I WANT.. This person we were talking with just couldn't understand why we would actually want to give up a full closet of clothes & doing whatever we wanted to care for our kids... I just think there is a bigger picture...its not always about ME or I. Its about the ones we love, the ones around us, the ones who make us who we are. And if i had kids, i would give anything to care for them, because to me holding a baby is one of the biggest blessings. It brings me peace and a hope for tomorrow.

I guess thats my soapbox for today :) I mean today im young & i enjoy my freedoms, but someday yes i want a family to call my own :)
later,brook